Donald Trump’s latest press conference was a garbage fire, to put it kindly.
In the midst of several racist remarks, contradictory statements on “real leaks” being exposed by “fake news”, and a pointless and concerning focus on ratings, Donald Trump criticized the media for a new failure; not calling him personally to get his views for a story.

As someone who has had to report on this ridiculous administration, I feel obligated to give President Trump a quick rundown of why I’m not deep searching for his personal phone number.

  1. He wouldn’t talk to me if he knew who I was.

Honestly, I’m a liberal, bisexual, atheistic, honest, empathetic human being with real hair. In other words, I’m as bad as a white person can get in Trump’s book. Sure, he might not bother to check my Facebook account if I manage to get him on the phone, but he’d complain about it later and never talk to me again.

  1. I don’t know what the fuck he’s saying when he talks.

Between the “metaphors” and contradictions and that old-man-with-ADD sentence structure, I have to listen to everything he says four times to figure out what he’s saying – and that’s before I even get a chance to see if it’s true.

  1. It’s not in my job description.

My job is to get the facts. Mr. Trump is not in the habit of giving reporters facts, so it’s a better use of my time to speak to the people around him, particularly the heroic whistleblowers already coming through for the media during this administration.

  1. Trump couldn’t handle the press.

There are thousands of reporters in this country and 1,440 minutes in a day. If Donald Trump attempted to give an interview to every reporter who wrote a story about him, he would have no time to be president or go golfing. Actually, this may not be such a bad plan.

  1. The president’s life is not private.

When I do stories on a private citizen, I need them to open up to me. I need to talk to them and I need them to understand what my job is. The president should know better than to expect that any good reporter will be nice to him.

  1. I honestly don’t care what he has to say.

President Bannon has much more influence on the administration, and so does Mike Pence. Donald Trump is a wrinkly orange figurehead, and he doesn’t have a single thought of his own.


I hope this makes sense to the President. I tried to write near a fourth-grade level. If the president disagrees with my assessment, he’s free to email me his personal phone number (or tweet it out, more likely) and prove me wrong.