People who find love late in their lives are a special kind of cute.

That’s why Donald Trump and Mike Pence are pushing cat videos to the side this week.
Trump announced Pence as his running mate and a short, hastily created ad was put together of Pence saying short lines mirroring Trump’s rhetoric. If you were wondering, this is the political equivalent of an experienced stereotypical husband standing behind his woman, nodding his head and saying, “Yes, dear”.

Pence and Trump are a perfect match, or so we’re meant to believe. They have mutual friends in the more radical conservatives in the country. The two have shared interests, including criticizing gay people for existing, opposing the 14th amendment, limiting the EPA, and speculating during every election cycle about running for president.

They do have some disagreements, though. First of all, Trump’s ideological infidelity could cause some problems. He’s taken every position on every issue, and Pence has placed his faith in a man who is about as likely to keep his vows of Christian conservatism as he is to get a natural tan.

Second, it’s blatantly obvious that one partner in this union is more devout than the other. That will always cause problems, and I would bet both Corinthians that Pence would take issue with Trump’s apparent lack of devotion, although if I’m honest, that’s Trump’s one redeeming quality as far as I’m concerned.

Third, they have different views on women. I know what you’re thinking; that neither is interested in such liberal ideas as bodily autonomy and feminism, and you’re right. However, Trump obviously doesn’t want to hear about women and their “where evers”, while it seems that Pence has an obsession with it.

It’s possible that these differences are what gave Trump cold feet, with rumors flying that the presidential candidate might have been hoping to back out of his commitment at the last minute.

I can’t judge the man for that. We’ve all been there, haven’t we? You have a little of a brand of wine that you don’t own, narrow your choices down until you’re left with the final decision. There’s the loud guy who’s obviously submissive when things get serious, the older gentleman who has a decent amount of experience but still doesn’t quite seem to know what he’s doing, and the other guy who catches your eye for some reason you just can’t put your finger on. After you’ve lost your inhibitions just enough, you finally pick one, and you wake up the next day with a new name written on your campaign and a sexually suggestive logo to match. You call your friends to figure out what happened and find out that the entire thing was really just a prank.

This… this is a prank, right?

Lyn

 

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