Because the RNC is taking over a city faster than the Turkish military, I won’t be able to keep up with every single related story. What I do publish will likely belong to other sites (Freelancer writers don’t own their work). So if you haven’t liked my Facebook page or followed me on Twitter yet, feel free to with the links in to top right of the page.

I did publish my thoughts live on my personal Facebook page, (spamming my friends’ newsfeeds in the process) and rather than try to coherently write out a story using that information I figure I’d just publish that.

I did something similar to this for the Charlotte NDO and it turned out well.

Keep in mind that I use my personal page in a less-than-journalistic way. This is mostly comedy.


-I’m watching the RNC. As someone who has taken exactly 1/3 of a broadcast class, I want to point out that you can look at things that are not your teleprompter when you’re on camera.

-Also, who the hell made Thom Tillis a convention officer? The man once said that requiring food service employees to wash their hands was “nanny government”.

-They’re playing their voter base’s music, which makes sense, but it’s funny to me because all four of the young voters in the audience are probably really confused.

-You can pause a live stream if you have several minutes of empty time. You don’t have to play elevator music to fill it.

-Did Steve King just turn this into a sermon? I thought that was Douche Dynasty’s job.

-I think the Reagan comparisons with Trump are accurate. He’s an entertainer who has no idea what he’s doing but we’ll regret him for decades if he’s elected.

-“We’re not going to turn left.” Some intern had fun putting that on the prompter and we all know it.

-Even I have to admit that elevator music isn’t as boring as life without porn.

-The RNC crowd shots are funny as hell.

-Finally, the GOP has a minority group that they know how to pander to: Cleveland

-One of the few things my parents and I argue about is dated music. It’s still better than country but fucking hell most of that stuff gives me a headache.

-“First of all I want to thank the activists. I can do that because none of you have been sucker punched at a Clinton rally.”

-“We are a city where people love where they live and are proud of it.”

Yeah. 51 weeks out of the year most of the people in Cleveland probably don’t want to burn their houses down for the insurance money and move.

-How to talk about Flint if you’re a liberal: Kids were poisoned. We need to fix the water supply ASAP.

-How to talk about Flint if you’re speaking at the GOP convention: This pastor has some wet wipes. Justice!

-Did we need a 4 second close up on a delegate badge for some reason?

-“The future of the conservative movement is stronger than ever.”

Is that why your main presidential candidate and your “respected senator” spent most of the primary cycle comparing their penises?

Is that the right plural?

-The Arizona senator pauses as much as Obama does during speeches.

-This isn’t specific to the GOP, because I’m sure the DNC will do the same thing: You only have to say “welcome to” whatever event once. Let the first speaker say it, and then let every other speaker talk about other stuff. (Even if they’re lying about millennial values and kissing Reagan’s ass).

-“Where’s Illinois?” That’s what everyone else was thinking, too.

-I can almost hear everyone in the crowd googling Bobby Jindal on their phones right now.

-“I ask my fellow young Americans…” This guy has to be 40.

-I’m insanely jealous of Ray Valdes’ tie and jacket.

-I guess they’re running through all of the Republican governors over the break. I’ll let you know when NC’s traitor pops up.

-John Kasich isn’t eating while he’s on camera!

-I like that the second reference to Mike Pence through this entire thing is after John Kasich, a man who stayed in the race weeks after being eliminated, proving that his math skills are a reflection of the school system in his state.

-“We’ve seen our president ignore the constitution.”

I agree. Shut down Gitmo, end drone strikes and wiretapping, and declare war before you start killing people.

Wait, you were talking about bathrooms, weren’t you?

-Crowd shot to a woman that was reading a book. I’d be doing the same if I could.

-I want them to cut to one of the millennials while the music is playing.

-This would be a really good time for the Democrats to tune in to the RNC. They’re talking about how winning congress gave them the power to shut down any abortion clinic that doesn’t have enough assault rifles.

-Can we name one state without saying “the great state of” first? Ya’ll are acting like we don’t have any shitty states. (Sorry, Texas).

-The cameras are focused on people dancing but you can see everyone in the background on their phones.

-People waving their cowboy hats in unison.

-The convention is only taking more than one day because of the music breaks.

-Crowd’s chanting “roll call vote”. So much for party unity.

-“Wait, the audience was actually paying attention. What do we do?”

“Get the band to put them to sleep again!”

-Is anyone else getting a pretty distinct high school principal vibe right now?

-“Let us now, together, make a new beginning.”

I like apocalyptic novels as much as anyone else, but can we not make this a party plank?

-I’m getting tired. The only bright side is that I haven’t had time to ignore Taylor Swift today.

-“May god continue to bless us all”

“Wait, where are all the young people going? Why does the secular voting block (1/5 of the country) want nothing to do with us? Why do people think we’re crazy? I don’t understand!”

-I wouldn’t be surprised if we hear about people throwing chairs tomorrow. This election has been a mess.

-The crowd is chanting “we want Trump”

Keep him. No one else wants him.

-They are explaining how to let someone take a photograph. I’m not kidding.

Look, I know most of the delegates were born before cameras were invented but they’ve had plenty of time to catch up and you don’t need to be so condescending.

-I take it back. The camera just panned and there’s a guy in the third row with his eyes closed. Not blinking closed, just completely closed.

-“We are electing a man in Donald Trump who believes in Jesus Christ!”

-Sorry, that was a misquote. What he actually said was “WE ARE ELECTING A MAN IN DONALD TRUMP WHO BELIEVES IN JESUS CHRIST!”

-Recess. I’m going to go watch porn for a while before congress bans it.