Political candidates fall into three separate and not necessarily mutually exclusive categories; good, not-awful, and nutcase. The “good” category holds candidates like Bernie Sanders and Martin O’Malley. The “not awful” category is for Hillary Clinton, John Kasich, and Rand Paul. Essentially, these are panderers who stand for nothing but probably won’t cause the destruction of America and burn the constitution. Then, there’s the third category. This is the category I write about. This is the category that is the backbone of political satire. And this category is the one that Ben Carson falls into.

Ben Carson wants secret service security, which is fine, but his reasoning is worthless. He wants protected from secular progressives (people like me) because he thinks he poses a threat to us so we therefore pose a threat to him, or something.

There are two parts to this. First, does someone in the secular progressive movement pose a threat to Carson? I have no doubt that he’s received death threats. I run a blog that reaches around 500 people and even I get death threats. It’s not something that is segmented by political party. Were they credible? Probably no more than the ones launched at me. He has more reach by far, but that doesn’t make anyone mean more of what they say.

Second, is Carson a threat to the secular progressive movement? No. Hell no. He has no chance in hell of becoming president. We live in a socially liberal society, and Ben Carson is an extreme conservative on social issues.

If that weren’t enough, he keeps referring to abortion as “killing a baby” despite being a neurosurgeon who should know what a baby is. He seems to have been a great neurosurgeon, but he knows nothing about politics.

He’s an islamaphobe. I rarely say that because I think religion deserves disrespect, but there’s a difference between disrespecting religion and being a bigot. He’s against gay marriage because *insert something crazy*

How does he say such awful things in such a calm voice? He was asked that question and responded by talking about being younger and violent. There’s nothing wrong with being hotheaded if you work on bettering yourself, which apparently he did, but this isn’t really something to bring up as a presidential candidate.

We’ve all been laughing at Donald Trump, but there’s been plenty of material for political jokers over the last couple of months.