The straight agenda is overwhelming in American culture and is as sickening as ever. They continue to overpower our media consumption, control our conversations about sexuality, and have an ever present influence on our children. They even control the internet! If you look up “the straight agenda” on a search engine, several of the pages that come to screen mention something called the gay agenda.

Unlike the gay rights movement, the straight agenda has no organizations that represent the heterosexual community. Instead, heterosexuals align themselves with all sorts of other groups that cater to different pieces of their identity, like interest clubs and sports teams. This makes them no less treacherous, as their power is only intensified by our inability to pinpoint their leaders.

Heterosexual acts, especially those that take place post marital rituals, are known to be energy draining and depressing. Despite this, they are necessary for our species, although there has been scientific research to help us eliminate the need for heterosexual acts.

Heterosexuals are jealous of superior sexual experiences, but see themselves as necessary for the survival of the human race. This is why some extremist heterosexuals oppose things like abortion and STEM research; it threatens their ideology that considers sex to be for procreation and not pleasure. They often refer to a shadowy character known as god, but many gay people believe in god as well, and seem to think that he/she/it/them have less extreme ideas about sexuality.

Heterosexuals threaten our very way of life. While America is supposed to be a place of freedom, they try to place unreasonable restrictions on their hijacked institution of marriage (which they stole from the Pagan tradition). America is about justice, and they take the side of criminals instead of upholding rule of law.

Sure, some (most) heterosexuals are fine with gay rights. The issue comes because they’ve been taken by this lifestyle and want to pull others into it. So much so that until a ban was recently presented to stop them from torturing gay youths. Yes, they actually did do this.

Many of them don’t remember choosing the heterosexual lifestyle, and so they assume that it must be genetic. They refuse to acknowledge the theory that it could be a result of their environment, despite heterosexuality being portrayed so often in the media. It seems there has never been a single television show or movie without at least one straight character. Some are comprised of entirely straight characters.

Now, we’ve made some recent progress, with the bans I mentioned before and the recognition of same sex marriages. Here’s the thing, though. We’ve still got some way to go before our culture is truly free.

Even after the culture accepts love and truth, heterosexuals will constantly find a way to attack our American values. This is why I propose that we stand up. Call your state representative and ask them for a bill banning heterosexual marriage. Let’s face it; it only makes people miserable. Men and women weren’t meant to live together. That’s why they have such different habits according to sexist generalizations that have stood the test of time. Sure, natural procreation has some benefits, like creating a unity between the two exact opposite sides of the gender spectrum, but artificial insemination is preferable in modern times.

Heterosexual couples also pose threats to children they adopt. The overwhelming majority of cases of child abuse take place in heterosexual households. Heterosexual couples also have historically had higher rates of divorce in the US, and children raised by heterosexual couples are more often than not heterosexual themselves.

We can all see how dangerous heterosexuality can be, and I would ask that anyone who cares about the well being of our children and of America take this issue of heterosexuality very seriously. This culture war will not end until the heterosexual agenda is destroyed.