The GOP is working hard on their reputation. Of course, whether they’re attempting to destroy it or redeem it remains unclear. What is clear is that they’re either doing a great or horrible job of it.

From hijacking the #blacklivesmatter movement to become #alllivesmatter to inventing something called a “DNA schedule” to talking about ‘religious liberty’ with ten candidates onstage, all of whom are Christians with a persecution complex.

I’m not usually this nice, but I want to help them out a bit, because this is just getting sad.

Branding has its place, even in politics. To some extent I even think that’s fair. I mean, charismatic leaders don’t just make a better impression on voters, they also make a better impression on the rest of the world.

Now that I’ve said that, I want to point something out. If you have a bad message, no amount of branding and rebranding and rebranding will save it.


Take the #alllivesmatter movement. These are people who believe that we should give equal rights to every form of life (at least, that’s the general definition of the word ‘all’). The thing is, they have one of two problems. Either they’ve neglected to offer a specific definition for life or they’re breaking their own moral code.

Now, some of this movement’s biggest proponents believe that ‘life’ begins at conception. Well, sperm is alive. So are eggs. Is a woman’s period manslaughter? Is male masturbation genocide? I doubt they’d take those positions, so why should they expect us to?

Also, as far as I can tell, not all or even a majority of the people taking this position are vegans. Hell, I’m not even a vegan. If all lives matter, that omelet you had for breakfast is proof of blood on your hands and you deserve twenty to life.

Finally, the fact that they tried to rebrand their position using a spinoff of an existent movement is sickening, especially considering that a lot of these people actively oppose the #blacklivesmatter movement.

Now, for the few life-begins-at-conception-without-exceptions-for-rape-and-incest-and-hunting-should-be-illegal-and-we-should-mandate-veganism-#alllivesmatter people, we can have a conversation. I think you’re wrong, but at least you’re consistent and that’s appreciated.

Religious Freedom

Well, just because they don’t call it ‘freedom to discriminate’ doesn’t mean that it wasn’t their goal. If you have a job and don’t want to do it, then quit and give your job to someone who wants to do it. If you’re getting paid to make a cake, then make the damn cake. If you work at the clerk’s office, issue licenses based on their legal validation. Other people’s personal lives are none of their business. If you want to badmouth them after they leave, go for it. Every minimum wage worker in the country does that and you have the same rights. But I don’t tell people with crosses around their necks to get the fuck out when they try to order a pizza where I work because I’m not an asshole.

If they really cared about religious freedom, maybe they should try organizing events to meet with atheists and Muslims, who happen to be the two most discriminated against religious categories in the US. When the GOP talks religion, they talk about it in this little box that includes conservative Christians and excludes a group known as ‘other’.

Token Candidates

            Ben Carson and Carly Fiorina are not viable candidates in this election cycle. They’ll never get their party’s nomination. While Ben Carson might be a good neurosurgeon and Carly Fiorina probably has some sort of value to society, neither of them will ever be president, and it’s not just because they have bad ideas and records.

Just because the GOP has a black candidate doesn’t mean they care any more about the black community. (See #alllivesmatter). And just because they have a woman running doesn’t really speak to their positions on women’s rights (again, see #alllivesmatter).

The sad part is, that both of those candidates probably already know that they won’t win. Not only are they running in a party that considers them to be part of an out group, but they’re running against people who grab much more press coverage for much crazier stunts.

Crazy Ad Competitions

            Ted Cruz has an ad where he cooks bacon on the barrel of a gun. (It’s a neat science trick from a guy who denies the value of science).

Lindsay Graham destroyed a bunch of cell phones. While this one I actually sort of understand, changing the number would have been enough.

Rand Paul took a chainsaw to the tax code. It’s not like we haven’t all felt like doing that at some point; it’s just that most of us recognize that TAXES ARE HOW MODERN NATIONS FUNCTION.

By the way, all of those are from the presidential election. Don’t even get me started on the senate elections last year.

The GOP needs a branding reboot for sure. But that reboot is useless until they get some better ideas. The fact that it made headlines when John Kasich said he’d still love his daughters if they turned out to be gay is fundamentally wrong. The fact that it was even a relevant question is a testament to how fucked up that party is. They accuse their opposition on one issue of attempting to redefine marriage while they literally and openly try to redefine life. They’re bitching about tolerance and it’s because they can’t seem to understand the concept.

I’m all for open debates about prominent issues, but when the issues you’re in the opposition on are ones where there is no significant debate, it’s embarrassing.

We can argue all day about how high the minimum wage should be or if this trade deal or that immigration policy is viable. But for people to argue that a fetus deserves rights while a gay person doesn’t is ridiculous. These issues are settled in every other first world nation.

It’s not that I’m not enjoying seeing the long list of epic fails that I come across day-by-day. It’s just that I want a world where political discussion is thoughtful and relevant.