I’m considering going back to Christianity

So for most people who know me personally, this post is going to be sort of shocking. I understand that and I’m willing to explain. There has been an uptake in the number of preachers infiltrating the groups I’m a part of, and they’ve made some surprisingly good arguments. I want to go through the ones that were the most powerful to me, in the hopes that I can change someone’s mind.

I went to church when I was younger, but as has been pointed out to me by these preachers, I was never REALLY a Christian. I might have believed in Christ and prayed the sinners’ prayer at least once a month to be sure, but that didn’t mean I was a Christian. I even felt that I was saved, but I was obviously wrong. God wasn’t inspiring me, I was probably just crazy. Like a lot of other so-called Christians are.

I fell away from the faith by the deceptions of Satan and converted to Atheism at eleven years old. I wasn’t vocal about it at first. I arrogantly thought that the Christian truth wasn’t a threat to my faith in evolution. As I subconsciously started to realize how powerful the word of God was, I held onto my Atheism faith stronger than ever, and found mountains of strong evidence to back me up, never realizing that evidence and science is really only a ploy of the evil one.

At the age of about fourteen I became a militant atheist. While I wasn’t the type to fly planes into buildings or bomb abortion clinics like other militant atheists, I was very vocal and took on what I saw as the crazies, which were really Christians preaching the true truth of the word of the almighty God, speaking against evil things like homosexuality, evolution, and eating shellfish.

Really, what turned me back to the lord was the preacher who explained to me that God loves me enough to send me to hell if I don’t worship him. I definitely wanted to worship such a forgiving and loving father.

I should have been suspicious when I saw all of the rampant atheist favoritism on the part of the US government. They refuse to tax atheist groups on principle, allow them to have exemptions on things like child abuse laws and discriminatory practices, and even allow them to run for office in all 50 states! As we all know, there are still seven states with laws on the books saying that believers aren’t allowed to run for office.

It’s even sadder that they’ve made it so hard to come out as Christian. I hate being called the “Christian friend” when I’m being introduced to people. That said, it’s a small price to pay for a relationship with Christ, even if he is a selfish sadistic asshole at times. Society just doesn’t trust Christians. Even rapists are more trusted than followers of Christ. I personally would be terrified to tell my parents that I believe in god. I’d appreciate some advice about that, but it’s hard to find, because the Christian community seems so disorganized and guarded. Maybe it’s a side effect from the decades of abuse they’ve suffered.

They say that Christians are only people that were ostracized from their peer group and cut themselves away from reason. They say we’re only angry at reality. I don’t believe that’s true. I’ve also heard it said that Christians can’t be moral, and that life has no real meaning if you believe in a higher power, and I reject that too. There are some atheists who even say that Christians aren’t protected under the first amendment, and that it only allows for wiggle room on which denomination of atheism you want to follow! Maybe someday we’ll be able to honor God on our currency or on military monuments to (mostly) Christian soldiers. Someday we’ll be able to pray individually in schools and read the Bible in public and maybe even put God in an already dogmatic pledge of allegiance. Who knows? Someday we might even be able to put unconstitutional religious monuments on public land!

There are dozens of documentaries exposing the evil of Atheism, including Darwin Camp and Kidnapped for Hitchens, both of which I recommend to any Atheist who wants to have their faith shaken to its core. They know how damaging their faith is, too. After all, there’s a quote from the intellectual Ken Ham that explains it to them. “Every time someone believes in evolution, an angel dies.” Ham exposes them for what they really are. Atheists and the religion of science are bent on divine genocide!

The real reason I left Atheism is because of their lack of explanations. Atheists can’t explain why the sun rises and sets every day. They can’t explain why babies are cute. They can’t explain why a society where killing is acceptable won’t survive. As one of my new preacher friends recently informed me, “A SOUL IS A TERRIBLE THING TO WASTE” (The caps lock was his idea. It made the message much more enticing, so I carried it over.)

I’m very regretful at my time spent as an atheist, and I hope those close to me can forgive me if I can muster up the courage to come out. Atheists are only non-homophobic, pro-science, pro-choice, generally feminist and humanist heathens. How dare they believe in themselves over the invisible, all-powerful yet somewhat incompetent lord that roughly 20% of the population serves. That number is growing every day. Sometime in the near future, Christians in America will outnumber atheists and they won’t be able to oppress us anymore.

To any godless heathen reading this, say this prayer:

Dear Jesus, I am a sinner and am headed to eternal hell because of my sins. I believe you died on the cross to take away my sins and to take me to heaven. Jesus, I ask you to come now into my heart and take away my sins and give me eternal life. AMEN.

(It’s important that you pronounce this JEE-ZUS, not HAE-SUS. Otherwise, your prayer won’t go through and Satan will hear it and steal your soul.)