I follow this badass page called Trutheist on Facebook, and there are a decent amount of trolls who come there to play (and they’re allowed because we love them and their crazy human sacrifice shit). Anyway, one guy in particular keeps coming back. I mean, he’s seriously devoted. Creepily and incredibly so. Most of what he spews I’ve heard a thousand times before, but he finally made a new argument against atheism: “There’s no such thing as a dead atheist. If the atheist is correct, then he ceases to exist upon death, therefore he ceases to be an atheist. If the atheist is incorrect, then upon death he ceases to be an atheist. Therefore by definition, it is impossible for the atheist to ever experience intellectual vindication for his beliefs.”

First point; why the hell is “the atheist” always a man in these things? It doesn’t matter but it’s annoying.

In regards to this logical layout, there are four choices.

1: There is a god and an afterlife.

In this scenario, theists win (assuming of course that they pick the right religion). And atheists who meet this god will believe in it. So in this case, he’s right. No dead atheists.

2: There’s a god, but no afterlife.

Does the theist win, then? They certainly don’t get vindication, but they are right. This also means we’ll never know. We’re just god’s playthings and it doesn’t really care about us.

3: There’s an afterlife, but no god.

Nirvana for the win! No god means no problems, and the afterlife is probably just a post-earth chill zone. Hell, if we get to vote on it, this one’s my pick.

4: No afterlife; no god.

Godless heroes (like my ego) are right. We don’t get to say “I told you so” in the end, but that’s okay, because unlike our religious friends, we don’t really care to.

Technically, death doesn’t exist, because we can’t understand it and we can’t experience it. See how stupid that sounds? That’s how stupid you sound when you say there are no dead atheists. Christopher Hitchens is kind of THE late godless heathen when you talk about these things. What the hell are we supposed to call him, if not a dead atheist? His memory still exists (yeah, lame Hallmark movie line), and in the minds of our community, his legacy is one of anti-theism. It doesn’t change no matter the stage of his decomposition.

If the only reason this guy believes in god and an afterlife is because he wants to be able to say “Told you so” to people like me, he’s a fucking moron. He’s given other reasons, each as compelling as this. So really what I want is to get into why he really believes. My suspicion is brainwashing, because that’s the reason for about 90% of the religious people I’ve actually gotten to strip away their false attacks and arguments.

Look, I’m all for new challenges to my worldview, but is this really the best they can do?