- You give bullshit answers to benign questions.
When someone asks what you’re thinking about, you tell them what you’re doing instead. I mean, it’s the same thing right? Or someone asks how your day went and you start going into the most boring daily event you can think of so they leave you alone.
- You sleep. A lot.
You really do want to wake up. It’s not that you’re even sleeping, really. Your eyes are closed and you really want to get some rest. By the time you manage to fight yourself into resting, you’re having nightmares. Getting a straight hour of shut eye feels like an accomplishment, and everyone assumes that you sleep in because you were up too late.
- You avoid everyone at all costs.
When you’re at school you hunt out an empty classroom to hang out in between classes. When you’re in class, you sit as far away as possible from the other students. They seem like really nice people from a distance, though.
- You feel vulnerable without your laptop.
It’s not just your livelihood and your best tool, it’s your best friend. Looking at a screen is safer than looking at someone’s eyes. Besides, the people you meet on the internet care more about your ideas than your looks.
- You struggle to concentrate.
See, you know you should pay attention, but it’s just so hard. You stare into space, but the second someone asks you what you’re thinking about, you can’t remember. So you are by telling them whatever you happen to be staring at.
- You only notice you’re hungry when your stomach is growling.
How long has it been since you ate anyway? A few hours? A day? Oh, who cares, you just need food before you faint.
- When you do eat, you eat way too much.
After the third helping, you’d think it’d be time to stop, but you still feel like you’re starving. Not that you noticed before, but now that your appetite has your attention it’s all you’re thinking about.
- You never sit still.
You start running your fingers through your hair. You tap your feet. You end up being that annoying as hell pen clicker. Even during your down time, you walk around without any idea of where you’re going.
- It takes you twice as long to do anything.
Maybe at some point in time, you could finish your chores in a couple of hours. Now it takes you all day. That book you haven’t read in a while takes weeks to finish, and then you can’t remember what it was about.
- You get sick all the time.
If it’s not that familiar throbbing headache, then it’s a crippling chest pain or an intense stomach ache. When was the last time you ate again? Who cares, food will only make you more sick right now. Sometimes it’s a sharp pain that’s completely paralyzing, and you stay frozen for a few minutes hoping no one notices.
- You think about dying.
Sometimes it’s a full blown suicidal episode. Sometimes it’s as simple as wondering if anyone would come to your funeral. You’ve got the hotline number memorized but would never in a million years call it.
- You’re a very devoted pet parent.
No matter how bad you feel, your furry friend is always there for you. Mostly because they know you can reach their food and treats, but you try not to acknowledge that.
- You can’t study long enough to figure out what chapter you’re in.
So you know you were talking about space in Astronomy today. At least that was the keyword you managed to pick out. The second you start to look at the chapter list, though, you realize that it wasn’t the least bit helpful.
- You would rather medicate than go to therapy.
Medicate is the word you use most of the time anyway. Addict is a scary word. But therapy means talking, and that isn’t one of your best skills.
- You feel weak, no matter how much you exercise.
Sit-ups in the morning and before bed. Push-ups when you wake up in the middle of the night. None of it really helps. Your muscles don’t change and it gets harder to even move. You know in your head that you’re as strong as ever, but someone forgot to tell your body that.
- You have a tendency to break things.
Just because you feel weak doesn’t mean that bookshelf won’t feel your wrath the next time you bump into it. Moving it might make more sense but it had too many shelves, anyway.
- You get a lot of stupid ideas, and follow through with most of them.
You didn’t need to be told that car surfing wasn’t a real sport, or that stuffing lit firecrackers into empty beer bottles was a really bad idea, but even after someone does tell you, it still has a certain amount of appeal.
- Everything upsets you.
Really. Everything. The fact that light bouncing off of snow hurts your eyes is a sign that the universe hates you. Tripping on the stairs is enough to piss you off, and the next person to talk to you looks like they think you need an exorcism.
- You hate down time.
Maybe at one point you were a musician or an artist, but now down time means staring at the ceiling and listening to music you used to like. Seriously, you used to air guitar to this crap?
- Any break in your routine stresses you out.
You eat lunch at the same table in the cafeteria, usually at the same chair and with the same people. When you go to sleep your pillows are always in the same place. Not only is your routine stable, but you have everyone else’s figured out, too. It’s simple for you to figure out which rooms are empty, and you can even figure out what minute you need to move to stay away from the out of class traffic.
- You start watching Twilight and listening to Justin Bieber.
Just joking. But that one got your attention, right?